Darwin's Minion

(via consultingparacosmist)

dottily:

fluffy—heretic:

shmegel:

yes but how old is the sport

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

hellooooootrickster:

i have a friend who joined tumblr then i suddenly started getting texts like

“who the fuck is cousin matt?”

“what the hell is a sea pancake????”

“MOON… MOON?”

“what does everyone mean by Benedict is.. the.. real?”

“thats not an MRI scan wtf, why are they saying that?”

“who’s becky and what happened to her?”

and he ended up deleting his account 

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

explodiumnitrate:

poopflow:

a sex position called the gatsby where you stare longingly at your partner from a distance and scream old sport when you climax

I CHOKED ON MY BEVERAGE

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

balloonney:

teachers who don’t let videos buffer before playing them

and think the video is broken when it stops to load

“well it’s a shame the video’s not working. i guess we’ll have to do this packet instead”

“work in pairs”

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

jebiwonkenobi:

When I was little I thought being an adult meant not having a bed time but I’ve come to realize that it just means being in charge of my own bed time and it turns out that I am not equipped to handle that responsibility.

(via schweikeractiveimagination)

sugar-nextdoor:

niknak79:

I lost my car keys

I don’t get it? 

(via consultingparacosmist)

theemptyholmes:

theemptyholmes:

theemptyholmes:

If you ever think your life is bad just remember that when my sister was born my mum threw up on her

She knows

She’s still pissed off at me and blame all of you

(via consultingparacosmist)

chekhovandowl:

I made a draw at work today

It accurately represents

how I feel about life right now

(via consultingparacosmist)

bloodcaste:

johnlock? no. john locke. right to property. social contract. classical liberalism.

(via consultingparacosmist)

nepeta-walks-into-a-club:

we had a substitute teacher who kept saying he was a philosopher??? and somehow everyone was impressed by that and he said “ladies, if a guy wants to sleep with you and you say no and and he follows you around and keeps asking you no matter what you say, you should say yes, because he truly loves you” and everyone nodded at his wisdom and i just

(via consultingparacosmist)

sexhaver:

imagine a pinata filled with wasps. you can hear them buzzing angrily but your parents insist that you hit it anyways and that it’s a necessary part of growing up and that they did the same thing when they were your age. you hit the pinata and the wasps come pouring out and sting you and leave you curled up in agony while your parents yell at you for not being more careful. that’s basically what college is like

(via consultingparacosmist)

(via consultingparacosmist)

(via rapidfireredhead)